Judgy Golden Apple

Wondrous item, common

Price: 50-800 gp | low sentimentality

This golden statuette of an apple is perfectly ordinary. Once a day, creatures who come within 30 feet of the apple believe they hear the apple say something judgy about their appearance or personality, but statuettes can’t talk, and neither can apples.

Paid

Look, it’s a perfectly normal golden apple. It’s okay to be lonely without anthropomorphizing inanimate objects.

Overpaid

Wow, you really paid too much for this thing. Try being less frivolous next time.

Source: The Gray Merchant of Asphodel